Fallout From Inner Lunacy

Following my last blog post in which I declared myself to be redundant and basically noting that teaching Love Toy Wisdom had it’s own built-in obsolescence, a former student of mine, who is now a friend, called to meet for dinner at a local Italian eatery, which I gladly did.

Over dinner, in this rather noisy, big tomato restaurant, my friend told me that she was shocked to read my new blog posting, after seeing nothing for all these months, because I seemed to be saying that I would be doing no more teaching and no more blogging and what was I thinking, she had learned so much from me over the last three years and hadn’t finished taking all my courses, but really wanted to, and she had a goal to become a Heart Healer practitioner, too, and how was she going to do that since it was my very own creation of an energy healing modality and, Cath, what are you thinking!?

Well, I couldn’t help but smile at the frantic panic she was displaying, even if somewhat in jest, but I knew beneath the words, that this little moon of mine was revealing the age-old insecurity of the spiritual seeker, namely: I can’t do it on my own!  Which is to say, I am not enough the way I am and I need to get all the answers, and I need someone, like you, or this book, or this course, or this teacher to tell me what I don’t know. I have to keep looking for the answers here and there and helping my self to being a better, more perfect version of me.  Once I get this certificate and this credit I’ll be there. I’m so close.  It’s right around the corner.  (Well, she didn’t say ALL that, but I heard it all in the vibration of her voice and the energy of her words!)

So, I gave Little Moon, my undivided attention, listening to her intently, focusing on what she was not saying as much as on what she was saying, which was not easy in that bustling, busy atmosphere, and then when she finished her plea, she asked me the question:  “Well, what are you really going to do and what will I do, if you do?”

I looked her straight in the eyes, smiled, took a big breath and honestly at first, wasn’t sure what to say because my former, un-confident self tape kicked in for a moment and I heard, “But Cath, she really needs you and you know how much you need to be needed, and how happy it makes you to see other people happy.  Maybe you need to think this whole ‘just-be-the-light-intending-ultimate-good’ thing through.”

However, my new confident-in-herself-and- the-rest-of-the-world Cath-self piped up and said, “Barb, stop do-doing all over the place and relax.”

She took a sip of her drink, and eyed me, as only a Capricorn is allowed to eye a Virgo,  and she asked, “What the Sam Hell is that supposed to mean?”

So, once again I made eye contact, took a deep breath, smiled, trusted that the words would come and said very slowly and clearly, “I don’t know what that means, but you are so smart, so capable and such a beautiful soul, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

The space between us across the table was filled with palpable energy as our hearts literally connected.  I felt it!  She felt it!  Our minds were still on the same wavelength with the conversation but I knew that much more had just taken place!  Barb had suddenly gotten a quick glimpse of her own bright light in my moon face.  I had just validated her in a way that hours of teaching could never have done.  There was absolutely no ego between us.  I had given her permission to see herself as I saw her, in her own radiant innocence and perfection, that knew everything it needed to know, and thus in that kind of unconditional love, all was well.

My confidence shone on her, and she saw it, absorbed it into her heartspace, and then mirrored it back to me with the intense brightness of a full winter’s moon.  “You’re right!” said she.  “I do know a lot.  Maybe I don’t need the certificates and the titles on my wall to be who I am meant to be.”

“Mmmhmmm!” smiled I.  “It’s all here,” I said, setting down my pasta-laden fork and placing my two hands overlapped across my chest.  “Here, and not here,”  I added, tapping the side of my head.    “Just in the demanding, of ‘Show me’, ”

I was next guided to say, “You’ll receive everything you need to know, exactly when you need to know it. That’s all there is to it. You’re not required to do anything more.”

“Thanks!” said Little Moon Barb, grinning wickedly.  “Thanks for the wisdom, teach!  You say you’re done teaching but you realize that you just did that, what you said you weren’t going to do anymore, don’t you?”

I smiled and sighed.  “No, YOU did, darlin’!  You did it! And that’s what I’m talkin’ about! You already knew it all anyway.  Don’t you get it, Sunshine? You already knew all that!”

Then the waiter brought us our cheques, we settled with the debit machine, bundled up in our coats and scarves and stepped out into the parking lot under a brilliant, full moon sky.

All is well!

sun and moon

Love is the way  

messengers from the mystery

tell us things. 

Love is the mother. 

We are her children. 

   She shines inside us

                                                                                                       visible-invisible, as we trust

                                                                            or lose trust,

                                                                                                           or feel it start to grow again.

                                                                                                                      Rumi

LTOYW!  Cath

                                                                                

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