In my last post I related the account of dinner with my friend and former student, who was miffed that I had decided and declared (see my February 4th post) that I no longer needed to be needed and therefore would no longer be teaching or healing as Cathy Millage Heart Healer nor writing any more blog posts. (well, I am female, and reserve the right to change my mind)
The fallout, to my amusement, continues swirling all around me with calls and curious questions, even from people I haven’t heard from for years. A few are merely curious, some are worried about having to find a new practitioner or teacher, and two are genuinely concerned about me as in “Are you okay, Cath? Are you in crisis mode?” I had no idea at the time that the choice I had made in my own awakening, to liberate my Beloveds to be their own gurus, would lead to such a reaction.
And I find it rather ironic, too, for the reason I will explain in my next blog post if anyone cares to know, that my desire to have others focus their energy on going within to find the answers, and to practise Love TOY Wisdom for themselves, without depending on me or anybody or anything outside of themselves, would draw so much attention back to me. In other words, by letting go of the need to teach and to heal others, in order to have them experience for themselves their own internal GPS, and in so doing, to allow myself to become non-attached to external energies of any kind, the Universe, in response, sent me a plethora of entities to deal with!
It’s a Great Big Universal Tease! As in:
“Okay, Cath, you want to disengage from the need to be needed and the compulsion to be heard because you feel it’s a manifestation of ego that you have become aware is no longer serving you or your students, so We’ll (that’s the Universal We…the Collective Energies, The Archetypes of Awesome)…We’ll show you where that gets you! Here’s some more stuff for you to play with! Now what’s your next move?”
How does a soul play chess with the Universe?
Attracting all this attention has led me to ASK my Innocent Inner Child Cath: “Why is this choice causing this response? ”
Asking is a new aspect of the LTOYW practice that I have learned to do from this same great spiritual teacher, G.P. Walsh, of the Master Heart Institute, (check him out here: http://MasterHeartInstitute.com ) who teaches when suffering arises: “Go within and Ask the Energy!” The energy is always signaled by an emotion (think: energy in motion)–something that is nonlocal (that is not tangible in the world of time and space) and therefore very close to the highest vibration of our own soul. The emotion then embodies as a feeling located in the nervous system of what G.P. calls our amazing Human Instrument, the very local body, definitely found in the sensory world of time and space, Then, we ask the feeling “What are you saying to me? What do I need to know here?”
So, that’s exactly what I did. I went within, precisely as I am encouraging everybody to do to find all the answers they could ever be looking for, for themselves.
Go within! This is called mindfulness in many traditions. It is definitely something everyone is capable of doing, but here’s the ‘catch 22’: most of us in our western society and culture have been taught by the Tribe, the purveyors of safety, rules, and procedures, for generations and lifetimes, that it’s not appropriate to go within to get in touch with our feelings. And the males of our species have been conditioned even more greatly than the females to deal in specific (rooted in ‘species’) acceptable ways with their feelings.
We have even been taught that because of certain hormones, and physical aspects of our bodies females are more emotional than males and it’s “Just their Nature” to behave in certain ways. Talk about self-fulfilling! Gender labeling of emotions and specific characteristics over the generations, has caused so many identity issues , which are fortunately now coming to the surface of our societal soul to be loved, healed and cleared.
In the meantime, we get born into a family, a human family called a tribe, into a culture of conformity that dictates who we are and how we are supposed to behave, which may or may not be true for each individual and unique spiritual being who emerges on the planet.
Part of this altruistic, yet not all-truth-istic motivation of the Tribe, dictates that certain feelings are “uncomfortable” (BIG neon sign flashing here for you: JUDGMENT! LIMITATION!) or some feelings are “yucky” (FLASH! FLASH!) or even “bad” (OMG!) and to avoid these certain feelings at all costs. It’s denial of a very big part of who we really are when we believe that sadness is to be shunned, anger is to be disguised, grief is painful so needs to be soothed, fear is harmful, and pain and suffering need to be eliminated.
These are our feelings, dammit! and they come from the same Source energy as happiness, compassion, romance, pleasure and peace. They are just feelings: not problems to solve nor challenges to be overcome nor situations to be dealt with. They are opportunities to grow and to expand; they are signals from Source, through our soul selves that we are alive! We are having experiences and this is what it is like to be a human being! So, Celebrate! (again, more on this “Life as Celebration” idea in a future blog, should you ask for it )
It’s All who we are! Keeping some feelings and sending other feelings to the basement is what leads to dis-ease because we are denying our own Source energy manifesting as an embodied human being! (more on this in a future blog, should I be asked)
We, as individual expressions of God-ness, are perfect just the way we are. It’s all okay or it wouldn’t be! It is, so it is! Now the task becomes getting in touch with what is; with that which is within that may have been suppressed or repressed in shame or fear. Are we then to be ashamed of God, acting as us? Of course not! This is where mindfulness comes in! We figure out what the feelings are, we have a conversation with them like we would with a five year old child in pain, and then, by giving all our feelings equal attention, affection, acceptance, allowance, and appreciation… a.k.a. LOVE…we return to the wholeness and the freedom of our original soul nature.
“How do you do that? ” you ask. (You did ask, right?)
First I just breathe myself into relax mode, as I taught in the LTOYW meditation. (see previous blog post) Then I focus on the sensations in my body. I don’t judge the sensations and every time my mind wants to jump in and comment on them like “Ooooh, that lower back pain is a signal someone in your world is causing an emotional burden for you.” or “Mmmm, itchy big toe. What does that mean?” I say “Thank you,” to the energy “I don’t need you right now.” And then I go back to the sensations. Once “settled”, I ask the feelings, “What are you telling me about this situation?” and “What do you want me to know?”
And do you know what I hear from the energy? It tells me exactly what I need to hear. I listen, I thank it for being here, and I breathe.
That is exactly what I did with these feelings of upset and discomfort, garnered when others expressed their feelings of unhappiness with me. And this is what they, as my soul self, told me: “You are being true to your nature, You know that you used to want people to be happy and to approve of you. You don’t need anyone’s approval now, because you know you are perfect in your imperfections, and other people’s opinions of you are none of your business. And now you are aware, because of your own experiences, that people have to experience a range of feelings. And you now have the confidence to know that everything that arises is exactly what is supposed to happen, occurring exactly when it is supposed to take place, for the highest good of all, so love that, and love the one who is still doubtful or insecure. Love The One You’re With! All is well. Celebrate!
And that is what anybody can do for herself!
Hey, Universe, it’s your move!
LTOYW! I love you, Cath Remember to check out http://MasterHeartInstitute.com for G.P. Walsh’s sagacious wisdom.